Thursday, December 1, 2011

Proof positive that all toddlers are little schizophrenics

Sick baby yesterday.  For the first time in his life, he completely refused his afternoon nap.  Well baby NEEDS that afternoon nap - usually sleeps for almost three hours.  He is big on naps and sleep.  So sick baby? Nap is even more imperative.  Alas, he wasn't having it.  Nothing I could do.

Here is a conversation with sick, no-nap toddler.

Me: "Johnny, are you hungry?"

Johnny:  "NO! NO NO NO! WAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Me:  "Okay."

Johnny: "EAT? EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT!!!!!!!!!"  Climbs into his chair at the table.

Me: "Do you want a hot dog?"

Johnny: "NO HOT DOG!! WAHHHHHHHHHHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU EVEN SAID THE WORD HOT DOG!! WAHWAHWAHWAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Me: "How about fruit snacks?" (His usual forbidden favorite.)

Johnny: "NO FRUIT SNACK! NO NO NO! WAHHHHHHHHH!"

Me: "Okay.  How about a taco?" (For Johnny, a taco is melted cheese in a tortilla rolled up.)

Johnny: "FRUIT SNACK? WAHH! I WANT FRUIT SNACKS!!!!!"

Me: "Okay."  I open some fruit snacks and start pour them onto his plate.

Johnny: "NO! I WILL DO IT! I DO IT I DO IT I DO IT!"

Me: "Okay.  Here you go."

Johnny: "TACO!?!?!?  WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Me: "Okay.  I'll make you a taco.  Do you want some juice?"

Johnny: "NO JUICE! JUICE IS FROM THE DEVIL! WAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Me: "How about chocolate milk?"

Johnny: "NO MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Juice?"

Me: "Okay, here's some juice."

Johnny: (struggling with the fruit snack package, banging it on the table with the force of 1000 strong men) "HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: "Okay, here you go." (pouring the snacks onto his plate.)

Johnny: "NO FRUIT SNACK! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Me: "Whatever."

Johnny: "Taco! TACO TACO TACO TACO!"

Me: "Taco is almost ready.  Be patient."

Johnny: "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HICCUP WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Me: "Here you go."

Johnny: "Thank you! Thank you! I love you! Kisses?"

And, scene.

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